If I ever needed a brain transplant, Id choose a sportswriter because Id want a brain that had never been used. JJ Redick Jersey .- Norm Van Brocklin When I was 13, I transferred to a new school for the first time. I had spent ten years from junior kindergarten through Grade 8 at the northwest corner of Bathurst Street and Viewmount Avenue in midtown Toronto. It was my home court advantage. I knew the roll of the rims and the carom of the walls and which teachers were lax at taking attendance. It couldnt last forever. At some point a promotion was coming, and my record setting minor league career wouldnt matter once new maths and makeup-laden girls challenged all that I had honed. I was heading to St. Andrews Junior High. Grade 9. The Show. Embarking on my first day in the wilds of the public school system, I knew I had to make my mark early. Mr. Pelech, my clever English teacher, noticed my t-shirt just minutes into the first class. It was a tattered, ink-drenched Grateful Dead concert tee. He remarked that "Grateful Dead" was an example of a contradiction. Contra what now? Coach tapped my shoulder and I hopped the boards. I proceeded to argue with a shellshocked Mr. Pelech for several minutes. My arguments were lithe, varied and completely illogical, but I had been trained to stand my ground no matter how ridiculous my position. Eventually, a hapless Mr. Pelech scanned the class and sputtered, "Just who is this guy?" Each one of my classmates shook their heads sheepishly as if to say uh, dont look at me. Mark made. Within two weeks I owned that school. They didnt realize the repressed explosiveness that ten years of private school Yiddish lessons would unleash. It is in this brazen spirit I introduce myself to you now, Dear Reader, as your new weekly columnist for Bardown. Why was I chosen as The One to guide you through the international sports landscape, particularly with so many scribes vying for your sports-saturated eyeballs? Commence the elucidation (AKA bring da noize): Basketball. This is my wheelhouse. I know all the lyrics to Kurtis Blows Basketball and I have for decades. I own a Sweet Georgia Brown-humming Harlem Globetrotters pinball machine from 1979. I still play pickup every week at a local high school against stiff competition in their very extremely late twenties. Also, I was an associate producer for the Toronto Towers of the NBA for nearly 500 games, post-games, pre-games and exactly five playoff games. Ooh, another thing, I call the Toronto Raptors the Toronto Towers because I have some self-respect. Baseball. I spent five teenage summers selling peanuts outside the Dome under the alias Mike Simmons. Despite a promising career as a sidearm Eephus pitch-throwing specialist, the leagues advanced scouts were never able to unravel the mysteries of my potential, because apparently throwing over the plate was a "prerequisite for success". Racists. I submit that using the All Star Game to decide home field advantage in the World Series is akin to the winner of the submission portion of Americas Funniest Home Videos determining the nominees for The Oscars Best Picture award. Also, you can thank me for getting the old Blue Jays logo back, as days after writing this piece, the marketing director for the Jays was following me on Twitter, and months later a new logo was born. Also, my therapist says I have something called a narcissistic personality disorder. Football. In 1998, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue the dream of being rich and famous which is why you know me so well today. That same year I became a fan of an upstart outfit known as the Baltimore Ravens because I thought Ray Lewis was almost definitely innocent of murder and I am obsessed with Edgar Allan Poe. Fifteen glorious seasons later I have two championship rings (made of foil and buttons) as my testament. I have correctly predicted, in pre-season, the Super Bowl participants for 13 consecutive years and I defy you to prove otherwise. (Note: Please dont reference my Twitter feed. Just be cool. This claim is all I have.) Hockey. I worked camera on the 2003 documentary A Day in the Life of the Maple Leafs so I know a thing or two about hockey. Well, exactly two things. One, when I was eight years old, my teenage neighbour convinced me his Mats Naslund rookie card could be mine for the extremely low price of my 1979 O-Pee-Chee Wayne Gurtski rookie card. (Note: I have forgotten how to spell that particular Edmonton Oilers name. At least my night terrors have subsided.) Two, I have developed an algorithm demonstrating the NHL to be the worst run league in the history of Industry. It involves a complicated geometric measurement involving my eyes and common sense. (A fact I will gladly prove over and over again until they, oh I dont know, realign the conferences to have an equal amount of teams. Lets start there.) Fantasy Sports. I Am Legend. In its heyday of 2001, my sprawling website, mikegallay.com, was a sports fantasy powerhouse boasting 16 writers covering all sports, catering to an audience of nearly 16 unique daily readers (and fans of ravines who misspelled mygulley.com). Chances are, if you were a Canadian sports fan in the early 2000s, you were reading articles about topics we also covered on mikegallay.com. The Professor And Mary Ann. I will happily cover all the secondary sports every time a participant either murders someone, is attacked by a spouse using the tools of their own sport, has sex on camera on TMZ, or breaks an important racial, cultural or gender barrier while also keeping our interest for more than eight minutes. Thats my pledge. Am I the precisely correct author to bring you whimsical, satirical, deadly accurate analysis of the sports that matter to you? Absolutely. And can I say that with total sincerity because part of my contract stipulates I have no editor? Two for two. Have I earned your attention to read my column next week? Lets put it this way. My topic will be 23 Ways to Make Over 7K a Week Working Part Time From Your Couch. My third column will be Bardown Seeks New Columnist, No Experience Required. Gallays Poll #1 What would you like to see Gallay write about in his next column? a) A 20,000-word essay conclusively proving Mike is the third Williams sister. b) Doug Gilmours Secret Recipes for 3am Snacks. c) My Weekend In The Hamptons With Barry Bonds. d) No column, just use this space to expand Badminton coverage. Dana Barros Jersey .com) - Jenny Boucek is the new head coach of the Seattle Storm. Amir Johnson Jersey .com) - It may just be the right place and the right opponent for the Detroit Red Wings to snap their longest losing streak of the season. http://www.official76ersproshop.com/kids-julius-erving-76ers-jersey/ . There will be no Down Under four-peat for Djokovic, as the eighth-seeded Swiss slugger Wawrinka outlasted the second seed 2-6, 6-4, 6-2, 3-6, 9-7 at Melbourne Parks Rod Laver Arena in yet another five-set thriller in their burgeoning rivalry.SUNRISE, Fla. -- The Vancouver Canucks were not surprised that their game against former goalie Roberto Luongo came down to a shootout. Nicklas Jensen scored in the first period and added the only goal in the shootout and the Canucks earned a 4-3 victory over Luongo and the Florida Panthers on Sunday. "Its fitting that it goes down to a shootout against him," said Canucks defenceman Kevin Bieksa. "He (Luongo) and Eddie (Lack) were joking about having it end in a 0-0 tie and just calling it a game, but we had other plans." Alex Burrows had a goal and two assists and Dan Hamhuis also scored for the Canucks. Eddie Lack made 26 saves. Jimmy Hayes scored two power-play goals for the Panthers. Vincent Trocheck also scored and Luongo stopped 29 shots. Luongo faced his former team just 12 days after being traded from the Canucks to the Panthers on March 4. Luongo is 2-3 since joining the Panthers. Lack stopped all three shots in the shootout and won against Luongo, his former teammate. "I challenged him to a goalie fight when we chatted before the game but he didnt want to go," Lack joked. "It was strange to see him at the other end of the ice, but Im sure he felt the same way looking down at our end. It was a huge win for us. Every win is important right now." Luongo was dealt along with forward Steven Anthony to Florida in exchange for goalie Jacob Markstrom and forward Shawn Matthias. This is Luongos second stint with the Panthers, whom he played for from 2000-06. Luongo was glad to get the much anticipated game out of the way. "It was a fun night to be part of. Either way Im fine with it," Luongo said. "I was looking forward to playing against the boys. Now that its done you just focus on the rest of the season and into next year." Luongo holds no ill feelings toward his former teammate and fellow goaltender. The Canucks won for just the fourth time in 17 games and are 3-4 since they traded Luongo. "I wanted him to play well given whats been going on since Ive been gone," Luongo said. "I was happy for him, especially that he was able to make some big saves in OT there for their team." Jensens shootout goal hit the crossbar and bounced down behind the goal line. "I talked to some of thhe guys and they told me to go upstairs and it went it," Jensen said. Philadelphia 76ers Jerseys. The Canucks are 5-7 in shootouts this season. "Thats just the way its been," Canucks coach John Tortorella said. "Weve been on the other side of these things. Good for Eddie Lack, and Jensen. Its not Picasso, thats for sure, but its nice to grind away and scratch and claw and get the two points." It seemed as if the Canucks were going to win in regulation, but Hayes tied the game at 3 on his second goal during a power play with 1:35 left. Brian Campbells shot was deflected by Hayes, blocked by Lack, then Hayes was able to poke in his own rebound. Trailing 2-1, the Panthers tied it at 2 on Trochecks goal at 4:19 of the third. Trocheck brought the puck around the back of the net and was able to sneak it past Lack on the wraparound. It wasnt long before the Canucks regained the lead. Burrows was able to stuff in a rebound on the power play to make the score 3-2 at 5:34. The Panthers nearly tied it at 10:47 of the third but a shot by Colby Robak was kicked out of the crease by Bieksa. "It was probably harder on Louie than it was on anybody else because he sees his new team in front of him and his old team standing there across the way." Panthers coach Peter Horacheck said. "I?think that he handled it pretty well." A quiet first period ended with three goals scored in the final 3 1/2 minutes, two by Vancouver. The Panthers went ahead 1-0 on a power-play goal by Hayes. Tom Gilbert shot from the slot and Hayes deflected it off his stick at 16:28. It was the eighth power-play goal in the past 12 games for the Panthers. The Canucks scored twice in less than a minute. Hamhuis shot from the point glanced off the skate of defenceman Robak and into the net to tie it at 1 at 17:42. Jensen fired a one-timer from the high slot that beat Luongo on the glove side to make it 2-1 at 18:35. It was Jensens second NHL goal. His first came in Fridays 4-3 loss at Washington. NOTES: Panthers C Jonathan Huberdeau left the game with an upper-body injury in the first period and didnt return. ... F Sean Bergenheim missed his third consecutive game with a lower-body injury. ... The Canucks are 4-12-1 in their past 17 games and have allowed 28 goals in their past eight games. 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